Many of us struggle with inappropriate relational cording: any compulsive or addictive relationship that consistently returns us to the same place in our personal lives. We choose to either hold our ground against an attractive, but ultimately dissatisfying person, or to – yet again – allow ourselves to enter into the same kind of relationship: one that we know is against our best interests.
The mechanism for inappropriate relationships can be seen wired into the Etheric body via the chakra cord system, and manifests in how we repetitively seek to connect to another person who is not good for us. As adults we are repeating an earlier (and dysfunctional) solution to an authentic childhood need, originally frustrated due to family circumstances. In our childhood while reaching out to find love and appreciation from our caregivers we may have been met with schizoid absence, borderline fragmentation, or narcissistic exploitation. An awareness of our habitual process, where we discover how we do this, is the first step, and is then followed by the dissolving of challenging relationship contracts.
We then move on to the next step: energetically reclaiming the lost emotional consciousness when hooked into an inappropriate relationship. We can begin to heal the exhausting energy drain – which is how invasive cords manifestly affect the physical system – by initiating a self-care regime to reverse it, as well as deliberately pulling the lost or stolen energy back into our cells. Once we are filled with our life force (as opposed to innocently handing it over to someone in the vain hope of receiving love in return for capitulation) we can move more easily to release them, and to begin preparations for the arrival of a better choice. This waiting period is the trial-by-fire that most children of dysfunctional families fear the most: an empty time, unfilled by the drama and chaos caused by dysfunctional friends and lovers, but it an essential time for clearing away the past.
Chakra cord energy healing work pulls the energy you habitually give to the other back into yourself, so you can experience a new-found expansion of self. To support the healing process you must break the habit of contact with the other, and make a conscious decision to wait for healthy change to integrate into your energy consciousness system. You use the waiting time to reset your values to those that any healthy individual would expect to have in a relationship. Start working to draw someone into your life who is at the same level of awareness as you, someone who demonstrates a track record of words consistent with their actions, and someone capable of self-reflection and mutuality.
This wait may be lonely at times. But the healing of an inappropriate relationship is worth its weight in gold, because ultimately – just like precious metals – your life force has an intrinsic value, recognized the world over, as opposed to a paper fiat currency or the “promise to pay”. Choose yourself, respect yourself, be loyal to yourself right now. Know your value. Heal your past where – for whatever reason – you could not have made a healthy choice. Consciously release relationships of questionable value, learn to tolerate the inevitable loneliness of the gap, and prepare for the arrival of your new life.
© 2013 by Dean Ramsden. All rights reserved.
Hi Dean,
I was just re-reading and realize the importance of this article in my life. In working through my relationship with my soon to be ex with middle astral and higher astral help I have been able to see the drain that the inappropriate cording he worked through brought into my life and the freedom that the release has brought. I look forward to our next healing session and as always Thank You,
Wendy
Dear Dean
It is great that you are touching this subject. Could you please give us the technique to reconnect the cords of unhealthy relationships to give that energy to ourselves, and therefore prevent the tremendous loneliness that is felt without the disfunctional relationship. Something importartant I have seen is that there is a great addiction to the emotional rollercoaster in disfunctional relationships, and therefore there is great boredom of leaving the drama, so people prefer to remain in a disfunctional relationship instead of feeling that boredome. I would love you to continue giving us feedback on this subject with which I deal everyday in my consulting room.
Dear Blanca,
Thanks for your posting. Yes, this subject is “self-cords”: a sub-type of the chakra cord system that anchor ourselves (or, our experiences of others and the outer world) back into the chakra system. I’ll be writing and publishing audio on this subject in the next few months. The technique can be described but ideally it is best to receive the work on yourself before doing it for others. Or, you can let yourself be guided to learn it by your spirit guides and allies. The results of self-cord work are increasing awareness of options and choices, and the personal power coming online that allows us to follow novel or non-habitual choices. It is this process – making new choices – that gets us out of the loop of dsyfunctional relationships.
Dean,
Thank you for the topic. I have been on that roller coaster over the last months. One thing it has driven me to do is reach out for support. I know this pattern oh so well and it is very difficult to break the cycle by yourself.
In fact I have been reflecting on how abusive it is. Very similar if not the same as domestic violence relationships. The physical violence isn’t there but the emotional and energetic is. There is the I love you, I can’t live without you, then everything is fine for a while. What I have found in my situation is that it is an intimacy issue. When an expansion starts to occur or a fulfillment gets close the destruction starts.
It is exhausting. It is destructive.
Thank you for reminding me about dealing with the loneliness, the gap. Also the self doubt creeps in. We go into forgetting and forgiving. We are just abusing ourselves.
In gratitude,
Susan